Jeremy Confirms Who The Parent Is
by a mountain of gideon's scones
Summary: Second one with Chaz and Vicky: Amelie, well all the females are, is pregnant yet AGAIN - she needs to stop the children obsession -and the Father is unknown. Has Sam cheated or is it Oliver's? Hilarity and laughter, a third one up soon. R&R. HUMOUR!


_So, after __**further**__ facebook chat with Chaz (TheFoundersDaugher, check her out) I decided to write a second one to alleviate my boredom – this is a sequel to Jeremy Sorts The Family Out._

_And I am going to do a third, maybe…_

_I don't own anything_

* * *

Jeremy steps forwards onto stage, sighing slightly. He knew before that he would probably be propositioned again by Amelie after he did such a _smashing_ job last time… he had a nice break, however, in the eight or nine months since he came here: he has been to London and dealt with dead Marauder's issues along with present day Harry Potter's troubles; he has been to New York and dealt with the entire issue with Valentine and his extended family. It's been relaxing, to say the least, to get away from Morganville.

And yet here he is, back again.

For months now, he has been struggling to wrap his head around the complex workings of all the relationships in just this _one_ family. He still can barely understand the way that Vicky and Chaz are siblings (half) but Chaz (younger) is Vicky's step mum because Vicky's Dad, Sam, moved on from her Mum with Amelie's other daughter. And the rest of them… well, since his head is already aching from these _four_, how bad would the others in the equation make it?

"Hello, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to a _second_ episode of Jeremy Kyle with some of the same people as last time," Jeremy dispels his negative thoughts and focuses directly upon the audience at hand. He takes a short glance down at the card in his hand and contemplates how to continue. "On first, we have Michael, who seems to be the _only_ one in the _entire_ family who doesn't have complex issues," he announces, just as the golden angel emerges down the corridor.

The crowd erupts into applause as they see their own musical genius, wondering maybe, just _maybe_, Michael will consider doing another gig in Common Grounds. Actually, with what they could be about to find out about his family, they think that it could be a _long_ time before he contemplates playing in public again.

He sits down in one of the black leather chairs – they continue to upgrade when they come to Morganville, knowing to keep Princess Amelie happy, they need to have the best of the best. And with every female being pregnant, it's complicated enough.

Jeremy takes one of the seats next to him and smiles slightly; something which Michael reciprocates and causes all the females in the audience to have coronaries… even the vampires.

"So, Michael, tell me about how life has been since you were all on the show," Jeremy starts off, knowing the answer but wanting the audience to hear it.

He shrugs and takes a deep breath, throwing his head back – in _laughter_? "Oh god, Jezza, it's been awful!" he says, evidently into Eve's new name for him: JK is just _so_ last year. "At first, everything was ok with me and Eve because, well, we were sort of out of it. But then Eve got pregnant and then Amelie got pissy because she didn't want Eve to marry me and then Grandad got annoyed about that… and I think the rest you ought to wait for them all to explain," he continues, opening his eyes.

"Is it really bad?" Jeremy asks sort of unnecessarily because just _Michael's_ part in this is bad.

Michael looks at him in disbelief before nodding. "Bad is an understatement. I'll go as far to compare this to Bishop vs. us all; Grandad is on one side with Amelie on the other and then there are people who are in both camps… then people who are annoyed with one person in each camp but support the other… oh god, this is probably more complex than last time!" he exclaims and Jeremy internally curses.

"I take it that I'm going to be regretting not retiring last week then?" Jeremy says with a wry smile, causing the entire audience to laugh.

"I think that if you had retired you would still be here; you're the only one who Amelie will tell _anything_ to – she's not even talking to one of her children at the current moment in time," Michael says, causing a gasp to go through the audience.

Jeremy sighs at this response, knowing that they have had _months_ to sort out their response and all they continue to do is gasp. Honestly, he thinks, _they_ are the ones who need help.

Then he quickly backtracks when he just reminds himself that one of the children of Amelie is now the other child's step mum and she is younger…

"Ladies and gentlemen, we have Amelie on the show!" he announces, getting straight to the point. After all, _this_ is the major talking point on the show: the fact that the children are pregnant at the same time as their mother is _slightly_ strange but not at all as strange as the circumstances of this lady.

Amelie walks out onto the stage wearing normal clothes (selected by the daughter she continues to speak to, Vicky) and scowling. She takes the seat next to Michael, however, and smiles at him, showing how there isn't actually a conflict between them… well, not that much. He reciprocates the smile before she places her hand on her stomach, showing how she is pregnant.

"Amelie… who dressed you?" Jeremy is rather blunt, wondering why on earth Amelie, who wore ridiculously old woman-y clothes last time, is wearing a rather befitting gold dress which looks as if it is the same one that Victoria Beckham wore the other week.

She scowls again, showing how she doesn't actually like her clothing. "My eldest daughter, Victoria, dressed me… since I am pregnant, she is insisting that _she_ be the one to dress me, for they do not stock my clothes in a large enough size," she mumbles the last part, but nobody laughs.

"Then, surely, how did you manage with your last two children?" Jeremy asks in confusion.

"I… um… I borrowed Sam's clothes," she confesses and, this time, the audience _does_ laugh, laugh at the absurdity of such a slender and classy woman wearing her then partner's clothing.

Jeremy raises an eyebrow but doesn't push the subject, instead changing it. "So, Amelie, why do you believe that you are here?" he asks.

She shrugs in a rather unladylike manner. "I believe it has something to do with Charlotte and Sam, as well as possibly this child," she avoids the question as to do with why _she_ is here, because she doesn't want to answer it. Jeremy, however, doesn't push her because he doesn't want her to get angry and then lose the baby or whatever – and, anyway, he has enough people to be getting on the stage.

"Now, ladies and gentlemen, it is time to be bringing Chaz onto the stage to explain _her_ side of the story which hasn't even been told yet," Jeremy says, knowing that, in a logical world, he would have brought her on first. But with the complexity of the situation and the fact that Michael was the one who kicked it all off, he felt it best to have someone more neutral on first.

Chaz emerges on stage, appearing slightly more pregnant than her mother. As she walks on, she ignores her mother entirely but says hi to her friend/step-grandson as she passes him. "Hey, JK, how are you?" she asks with a grin, evidently not getting the memo not to call him JK.

Jeremy, of course, explodes at this. "You are a _fool_, Charlotte! Have you forgotten the torment I had in England with those _chavs_ calling me JK all the damned time? If you do not call me by my proper name then I shall not continue with this show!" he throws in an ultimatum and shocks them all.

Chaz, with her pregnancy hormones, begins to cry. "I'm sowwy, Jeremy, I _am_… I didn't mean to call you JK, I swear!" she bubbers on until Michael puts an arm around her in condolence.

Jeremy relaxes, realising he was a little harsh on those people who probably aren't allowed to watch his English shows. "Sorry, Chaz, I know you probably can't watch me when I'm at home but-"

"Oh no, Mother Dearest, when she isn't being a cow and _cheating with my boyfriend_, allowed certain people in Morganville to have unrestricted access to the internet and television," Chaz shrugs, revealing why they are all here.

**:O**

Once again, the audience simply have a shocked face before excited mutterings begin to fill the crowd until Jeremy waves a hand for silence. "So, Chaz, please repeat _why_ you are here against your mother and, indeed, Sam?"

Chaz glares and rests her hand on her stomach which is about six months pregnant, shutting her eyes for a second. "Um… me and Sam are having a baby, obviously… but then I found out that Mum is pregnant… but her and Oliver were arguing at the time when she obviously _got_ pregnant and she kicked him out, so it can't be his baby and… and she told me, and Sam told me, that it was _his_," she begins to cry but none of the people on stage move to help her.

This means that, although _they_ have had a falling out, Vicky has to come from backstage, walking slightly strangely for she is seven and a half months pregnant, to come and comfort her. "Chaz, it's ok," she says, even though it isn't really because she is _happy_ about the fact that her parents could be getting back together.

Jeremy looks on at these interactions with a touch of amusement to his face. he then moves Vicky's chair for her to be on the other side of Michael, next to her Mother, but she then requests he move it closer to Michael's chair.

"I'm, once again, neutral but with leanings to Mum," she clarifies her seating choice, causing Chaz to begin crying again. "Sis, it's not that I _hate_ you or anything it's just… well, I would prefer it if my parents were together and if I'm having a new little brother or sister then I want the parents to be together," Vicky explains with a smile to her mother who reciprocates it.

Jeremy shakes his head at this – of course he does; this is Jeremy – and then continues. "So, Vicky, you are pregnant as well? Please tell me that there are no parentage disputes with _your_ child?"

Amelie makes a _hmpffh _noise which can't really be put into words and answers for her. "No, this child is one that I can trust doesn't make rash decisions such as stealing people… although I would have _preferred_ it if she had married Myrnin first, they are the parents," she says.

Jeremy raises an eyebrow and looks at Vicky. "Are you sure?"

She blushes but looks extremely angry. "Are you now trying to compare me to either my sister or mother and call me a whore? Because if you are, Myrnin will attack you! He's the father, I swear!" she yells at him, her entire mantra like you would expect an almost mother to be like.

Michael sighs, knowing Eve is about to give birth in the next couple of days so asks if he can leave because he doesn't like to leave her at home alone… well, Shane and Claire are there but they're always so damned busy!

"Yes, you can go – tell Sam, Myrnin and Oliver to come out, I want to do the DNA results for the parentage," Jeremy sighs, wanting this over with. Yet the new found sibling rivalry sparks the knowledge in him that there will most likely be another meeting between them all… and soon.

Sam comes out first and hesitates over where to sit: he should sit with Chaz, mother to his unborn baby, but then there is Amelie who _could_ be the mother to another one (he's the definition of a loveable man whore at the minute)… but then there is his _daughter_, who appears so lonely on her own.

He drags the chair over to sit with Vicky, who smiles that her Daddy has decided to sit with her. Oliver sits with Amelie but seems a little off, as if he knows there is a large chance that this baby isn't his, whilst Myrnin sits on Vicky's other side, feeling a little hurt that Vicky prefers the company of her father to him at the minute.

"So, Sam, do you feel the situation between you and Amelie regarding your daughter has appeased?" Jeremy asks and Sam nods.

"Yeah, we see each other all the time," he confirms and Jeremy smiles.

"That's one comfort then… Oliver, last time you were on the show, everyone hated you. What do you feel the situation is now?" Jeremy changes his focus from Sam to Oliver, who blushes slightly.

"Well, I, um, believe that I am still hated but since I, like Vicky, am the only one on stage who has not cheated either recently or in life, I believe I am a moral compass… and since Vicky is pregnant out of wedlock, _I_ am the only moral compass holder here," his smug attitude is the reason the audience begin to pelt him with bottles and hot dogs which aren't very nice: Jeremy Kyle _really_ need to sort out their catering.

"Actually, I'm engaged, just the ring is a little big," Vicky shoots back, causing a gasp from everyone on stage as well as the audience.

Sam stands up and levels off with Myrnin, staring daggers at him. "It's bad enough you knocked her up without my permission, now you've asked her to _marry_ you without my permission?" he yells at Myrnin, causing Vicky to duck her head and wish that she had sat with Chaz. So she slides out from underneath the warring men (not an easy feat when your stomach is bigger than your head) and takes the spare seat next to Chaz who smiles but in a way that shows she has a trump card up her sleeve.

Gérard, like last time, is called onto the stage and splits Sam and Myrnin up, threatening to put them both in cages to stop them talking and hitting one another; there is still a dint on the other side of the stage where Sam was thrown into it and Jeremy hasn't been the same since.

"Now, it is time for the all important DNA results which will tell us whether or not Sam _did_ cheat on Chaz with her, um, mother who he was with before… Chaz, if he _has_, will you take him back?" Jeremy asks the age old question: if someone has cheated when you are pregnant, do you take them back?

She hesitates, looking at the man who is still standing on the stage. He appears so heartbroken, so torn, that her heart strings are tugged. "Um… I don't know. I'd think about it," she says slowly, chickening out of a decision.

Jeremy nods and is handed the envelope. "The DNA results show that Amelie's baby has a father named… Sam, congratulations, Sam, you have another child on the way!" he exclaims and Amelie nods her head, knowing that this was the outcome.

Vicky cheers, the only one to do so on stage, and moves across to hug first her Dad and then her mother and unborn _full_ brother or sister. Chaz, meanwhile, stands up and is simply dumbstruck. Then she turns to look at Myrnin with an evil smile on her face, but before she can speak, Oliver does so:

"I can accept that this baby is not mine, if you still want me, Amelie?" he says, for the first time not doing something that anyone could hate him for. "In fact, I would marry you," he continues and she stares at him, dumbstruck.

"Um…yes, I will marry you," she confirms and smiles. He kisses her but then she pulls away, saying, "you smell of hotdogs and coke, Oliver, which are _not_ things I wish to be smelling when I feel sick."

He nods in understanding and simply holds her hand whilst the audience applaud. Myrnin moves to take Vicky's hand as she stands next to her Dad, whispering in his ear, "You're awesome dad!"

He (Sam) smiles and reaches under his chair for a box which he hands to his daughter. "You're the best thing in my life, VickyLou, so here is a present which I hope makes things easier," he says with a tear in his eye as he remembers her childhood nickname.

She grimaces at the name but then opens the box to reveal a picture of a house next door to his own that was up for sale. "You... you bought me a house?" she confirms and he nods, grinning widely.

Amelie is _slightly_ annoyed at this but her sizing up of the cost of the engagement ring she now wears occupies her slightly more so. Chaz, on the other hand, is furious and regretting the fact that she contemplates taking him back when he never spoils her like this.

She may love her sister, but the way she is so happy that he cheated with their mother rather than Amelie having the baby with Oliver (urgh, little Ollikins; doesn't bear thinking about) and that her Sam spent so much on his daughter when he could have another _two_ on the way, causes her to react like this:

"Well, at least I _know_ that Sam has cheated! You're _entirely_ in the dark about Myrnin and Claire, aren't you?"

Silence rages the stage.

Uhoh.

Jeremy sighs and addresses the audience, knowing that if he had to deal with this _today_, he would have a coronary like the females in the audience did earlier. "Ladies and gentlemen, it is time for us to leave. But we shall be back soon, I believe, so stay tuned! I now have to go and rest in a dark room for six months," he says, to laughter.

Everyone disperses but casts keen eyes over the stage, everyone but Chaz are all frozen. Even _Gérard, _the bodyguard/beefy security entail, is frozen.

"Can we book you in for next Monday?" Amelie suddenly asks. Yes, he thinks wryly, they need it.

* * *

_Whatcha think?_

_Three guesses for the next one!_

_Please review!_

_Vicky xx_


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